Under A Cheap July Sky
by bluferret
Summary: It's amazing how one person can affect someone's life so much & never know it. After Camp. First published under the pen name falliciousvendetta in 2005. Rated M for violent themes.
1. Dining Duty

-

He's here.

He's here and I work here.

He's here in my corner.

The corner I serve.

I hate bieng a waitress.

Really I do.

-

I tried to get somebody else to serve them.

But, no.

They love to torture me.

My friends love to torture me.

I need new friends, don't I?

-

Hopefully he wont recognize me.

I'm kidding myself.

Slight differences matter not.

He'll know me.

-

I won't say a word to him.

Except of course, that of which is required.

In my profession that is.

-

So onward I march.

I don't look down.

I don't look away.

I can't let my fear show.

I can't let my nervousness show.

I can't look weak.

Although, of course I am.

Weak, that is.

-

I look just above them.

If I look at him, then i'll be inclined to run.

From Alan.

If I look at his friends, i'll feel inclined to run.

To keep myself from screaming at them.

It's not thier fault.

But, god, how I wish it were.

I don't want to blame Alan.

I loved him.

Finally I stop.

-

I give a light smile.

Hi, i'm Evie.

I'll be your waitress today.

May I get you something to drink?

The words flow easily.

I've said them a thousand times before.

-

All my other exes?

Easy to get over.

But him.

Him.

-

It's been forever.

I still remember.

Usually it all fades.

The memories.

The words.

Thier faces.

All in the past.

-

I feel so damn jaded.

I did something wrong.

Couldn't he have at least told me why?

Why not?

Why didn't he?

Was it that bad?

-

Coke.

Magnet.

Whatever.

X-ray.

Sprite.

Armpit.

Latte.

Zero.

Lemonade.

Stanley.

Pepsi.

Twitch.

Diet coke.

Squid.

-

I never looked up.

I just kept writing.

I looked up.

I'll be right back with those.

I practically deadpanned the words.

-

It was an accident.

They better not hold it against me.

Proper tip, proper tip.

You really never know with people of today.

They jip you for anything.

Including the wrong tone of voice.

-

I marched to the pop machine.

I emptied myself.

I've been doing that often lately.

I'm getting quite good at it.

It's like meditating in a crowd.

Quite refreshing if you have the talent.

Shutting up now.

I'm so nervous.

-

Watch me do something stupid.

Knowing me.

Knowing my utter lack of coordination.

I am so going to trip and fall.

Spilling thier drinks right on them.

I actually wouldn't mind seeing that.

As long as I don't have to fall.

-

Six glasses full to the brim.

All on the counter.

Too full.

I pour a smidge down the drain.

Too empty.

I add more pop to the glass.

Too full.

I pour-

Damn it!

Now i'm just procrastinating.

I sigh.

The glasses are filled perfectly.

-

To stack them on the tray.

All seven.

On the tray.

Great.

I'm going to fall and die.

-

I'd make two trips.

But, you see it's a well known fact.

Never make two trips for drinks.

Unless you have more then eight drinks.

Lucky me, I have seven.

So close.

-

I hoist the tray up.

Damn is it heavy.

I contort my face to it's normal self.

Weakness.

I really have to banish it.

I make a beeline for thier table.

I haven't tripped yet.

Still haven't tripped.

Still ha-

Jinxed.

-

Okay, so I didn't trip.

I was shoved.

Violently I might add.

Wow, they were in a hurry to leave.

She didn't even apologize.

Am I that bad of a waiter?

I need a new job.

-

Anyhow, she went shove.

I went fall.

The drinks went spill.

On the carpeted floor.

It was stained already though.

Still, I just made it worse.

-

Thank god no pop stained my clothes.

I sat there.

Chaos ensued around me.

I fell backwards.

My knees were bent.

My head was less then a foot away from a costumers chair.

And I didn't care.

-

I lay there.

Chaos ensued around me.

And I laughed.

I couldn't help it.

Really I couldn't.

It was hilarious.

-

You had to be there.

It was just like in a movie.

Everyone was panic stricken.

Running from the soda flow.

It was as if thier lives depended on it.

-

Employees rushing over to help clean up.

Clean up on aisle five!

the only difference was this.

The causer wasn't helping.

No, she was laying on the floor.

Laughing.

-

I did recieve quite a few nasty glares.

Finally I picked myself up.

It was funny.

Apparently THEY thought so to.

They were laughing.

-

The boss who had helped clean up.

She passed by me and snapped.

Babe.

Youve got problems.

I just thanked him.

-

I got the day off.

Apparently the boss thinks I had too much sugar.

I told him I was a victim.

A victim of a vengeful costumer.

Who listens to Evie?

-

I know, he was probably just trying to look cool.

Show off for his friends.

I wish it weren't so.

Maybe it isn't.

-

I had been ranting to mr.Boss man.

When mr.Boss man walks away!

In the middle of my explanation.

He just walk off.

Mr.Boss man is officialy on my shit list.

Seriously.

I glared at his back.

-

Alan called out to me.

Hey miss waitress?

He knew my name.

Why the hell did he call me miss waitress?

I turned around.

What?

I snapped, I admit.

He deserved it.

Are those drinks taken out of your paycheck?

What's it to you?

I questioned him.

Well what do you expect?

The last word he ever said to me was Bye.

-

Ooh, she's a fiesty chicka, ain't she?

Magnet.

I should've slapped his face off.

I don't know why I didn't.

Rather, I responded cooly.

Not for you.

-

They laughed.

Magnet didn't.

You got burned dude!

Armpit.

Suck it up man.

Zigzag.

You'll live.

Squid.

I rolled my eyes.

I began to walk away.

-

Hey wait.

Squid.

I stopped.

I turned.

I waited.

The drinks are on me.

I blinked.

He aknowledged me today.

He spared me fourteen bucks today.

Is he on crack?

He might be.

-

Why would you do that?

I needed to know.

For a beautiful waitress,who wouldn't?

Oh great.

Not only did he knowledge me today.

He hit on me too.

-

I raised my eyebrows.

If you insist.

I didn't want to encourage it.

The flirting.

It made me feel as if we are strangers.

We aren't.

We weren't.

Are we?

I don't know.

-

Then he did the assurance.

That no one else could see.

He winked at me.

I didn't say a word.

I was astonished.

Squid.

Alan.

He winked!

At me, no less.

-

I've always had this vandetta against winking.

It looks so absurd.

I suppose it's really the intent that matters.

Still, he winked at me!

-

I've been rambling, you realize.

I would explain.

I would.

But I can't.

I just can't.

-

Today he confused me.

He confused me so bad.

I don't even know which way is left.

And i'm driving too.

-

Why wont he ever approach me alone?

Why wont he talk to me alone?

Why not?

Please.

Alan.

Squid.

Please.

Tell me why not.

I want to know.


	2. Absently Remembered

-

I loved him.

I think I still do.

I loved him and he turned away.

He shut me out.

He shunned me.

-

I was willing to stand by him.

Through thick and thin.

But he had to kill me.

He had to burst my bubble.

I told him of my affection.

He told me he loved me.

If he loved me.

Why did he turn away so suddenly?

-

It was that damn camp.

It changed him.

He turned harder.

He became colder.

I could have seen through all that.

For deep inside he's still the same person.

He's a softie inside.

I know this.

-

He chose the camp over juvie jail.

I would have done it as well.

Although, I would have written to those I claimed to love.

He didn't.

-

He said to me he loved me.

He forgot about his girlfriend.

His girlfriend!

We were best friends.

Before that camp.

Before those people corrupted him.

-

I sent him a letter at one time.

It read-

_I don't know if you'll get this letter, it's going to the boons for gods sake!_

_I don't know if you'll shred this letter before reading it._

_I don't know if you even care to read it._

_I do miss you._

_I wont get to sappy. I'll get to the point._

_Do you remember before you left?_

_Do you remember when you swore to me that you'd write?_

_Well, i've waited months._

_I've concluded that either you have forgotton me, or you just don't give a shit._

_I'm still contemplating on which i'd rather it be._

_Forgotton, Maria_

He may have forgotton.

But I still remember.

-

We were fifteen.

Only fifteen.

But it felt so right.

I knew he loved me then.

What happened?

Why did he abandon me?

-

I remember the hugs.

The kisses.

The laughs.

Boy, could he make me laugh.

I loved his humor.

Dark humor they called it.

Others would have called him a smart ass.

I don't really care about them though.

-

I don't know if he still has that same sense of humor.

I haven't spoken to him since theweek he returned.

All I said then was Welcome Back.

All he said was Thanks, gotta go, bye.

-

I wish he would have given me a sign.

To tell me he still cared.

But he didn't.

And he hasn't .

-

Dammit.

I am so confused.

So hurt.

So alone.

-

Does he hurt as much as I do?

Was it hard for him to ignore me?

When we brushed by along the street?

Him surrounded by all the other friends?

-

They did it.

They changed him.

They stole him from me.

-

I sound like a jealous bitch.

I guess I am.

I mean, come on.

The love of my life left without a trace.

-

They say that love is the greatest adventure you shall ever have.

I wonder if what I feel really is love.

Or maybe it's just lust?

What if love is another pain then far greater what I feel now.

Then perhaps I wish to die alone.

-

He did not only bring me pain.

He showed me myself.

I am so gullible.

Weak.

Naive.

Helpless.

Foolhardy.

What more is there to say?

I am stupid.

I need a new life.

-

I believed that love was everlasting.

I guess, in a way, deep down, I still believe that.

My mind tells me it isn't so.

But my heart.

My heart pulls and pulls, it compells me to believe.

In a way, I still believe that some day he'll come back to me.

-

Camp Green Lake killed him.

Metamorphosis is not always bad.

But I do miss who he was before.

I did after all, love him then.

Not that it matters anymore, all things considering.

I don't even know him anymore.

-

So I wait.

I wonder.

And wait.

I'm waiting for him to return to me.

Not that he ever will.

-

I'll wait as long as it takes.

For if true love is everlasting, then it shall never fade.

If this is love, I would wait a life time.

Even longer if possible.

Just for him to return.

-

I miss you.

Return to me.

Alan.

Please.

I'm sorry.

Forgive me.


	3. Quite Expected

-

It happened again today.

I was in my room.

The house was quiet.

Deadly quiet.

I was not alone.

Father washere somewhere.

I waited.

-

His drunken self would show itself.

Usually it already had.

I waited.

I heard the door click open.

I thought I locked it.

Then I remembered.

My room has no lock.

It's times like these you wish you'd have run away.

-

He looked at me.

His mouth set in a grim line.

Where is my black book?

His voice was laced with malice.

How would I know?

I couldn't help but sass him.

It's not yours!

No shit sherlock.

Well, it was the truth.

-

I never noticed the bottle in his hands.

Untill of course he threw it.

So hard there was a hole in the wall.

No more then five inches, from my head.

Usually he has perfect aim.

I am the luckiest girl in the world.

-

I will admit, I screamed.

The bottle didn't shatter, thank god.

The shards would've scarred me, surely?

Give me my goddamn book!

His words rang in my ears.

It's not my fault you lost it!

I wanted him to hurt me.

-

For later he would find the book.

He would be guilty.

He would be splurge on me for awhile.

So I urged him on.

He raised his hand.

No, not to ask a question.

-

You know I can kill you, Maria!

He said this to my mother as well.

You know i've done it before.

I stayed silent.

I never broke my gaze.

Where is it?

I said nothing.

I held my tears back defiantly.

He never believes me.

-

In a flash he slammed my head into the window behind me.

My eyes watered.

I attempted not to whimper.

It would only egg him on.

I only wanted him to hit me.

Not kill me.

-

He froze then.

His eyes seemed to clear.

As if he saw me for the first time.

He was feeling guilt.

I'm so sorry.

He spoke softly.

I barely heard him.

I didn't care.

-

This was a game to him.

It would never end.

Before he came to his senses I shoved past him.

I had managed to reach the foot of the stairs.

When he came after me.

I had to make it down the stairs

He shoved me down them once.

They never looked quite the same.

-

I felt his grip.

It tightened on my shirt.

He tugged.

We both fell.

It was only five stairs down.

That was just enough.

I bolted out the door.

-

The air bit me.

It whispered to me.

It was telling me to run.

It was screaming.

Calling to me.

telling me to hurry.

-

But, I wouldn't.

I would not show fear.

I've been practicing this no fear thing.

It get easier, does it not?

I walked quickly.

Slapping at the cold.

Not that it would have doe anything.

I heard him call after me.

You are beneath me, you bitch!

I called back.

-

I was to far for him to attack me.

Then why do you lower yourself to touch me?

To even talk to me?

I turned.

His figure was in the door.

He said nothing.

I don't want you back!

He shouted finally.

He slammed the door.

I swear, the whole block heard.

-

He'd been lieng.

He always takes me back.

Always.

Now?

Now I go to Allie's.

I always go to Allie's.

-

I admit I was, I am,scared.

I fear for my life constantly.

Yet, I no longer care.

I no longer care what he does to me.

It doesn't matter anymore.

-

I step up to Allie's porch.

It's dark inside.

I'll be waking her up.

But, I have nowhere else to go.

-

The cold nips at me again.

It warns me.

Of what?

I do not know.

I reach for the doorbell.

The sound echos throughout the silent house.

I waited.

Nothing.

I feel as if I am standing at the gate of doom.

I don't know why.

So I retreat.

-

I decide to go to the supermarket.

I'll loiter.

It's not like they care.

It's the only place open this late.

-

Allie.

Why is she always out nowadays?

She never tells me where she goes.

Or what she does.

I feel as if we are drifting.

On two different islands.

Away from one another.

-

It scares me.

I need someone to trust.

I need someone to understand.

I need Alan.

But he doesn't want me.

So I must find someone else.

I don't think I ever will.

-

The market looms in front of me.

Really.

It's directly in front of me.

I step towards the light.

It glistens.

It beckons.

Unlike the darkness of Allies house.

Which shunned me, this place welcomes me.

I drag my feet inside.

The place is loud.

There are tons of people here.

Nowhere to go either, I assume.

-

I breathe out heavily.

I breathe in lightly.

I wonder if I will hyperventilate.

-

Iwandered about.

Ignoring the shadows.

They were menacing.

Threatning to swallow me whole.

Leaving me somewhere cold.

This place is cold enough as it is.

-

A figure approached me.

No, there was more then one.

Two?

Three?

Four?

Yes, four.

-

I knew these people.

One, I knew very well.

Or did, anyway.

Magnet.

Zigzag.

X-ray.

Squid.

I blinked.

-

All either of us ever wanted was someone who cares.

He got his people.

So, what about me?

What about me?


	4. Grass Gone Red

It clicked suddenly.

I realized that I am truly alone.

Truly alone.

I was hurt.

I was confused.

I was angry.

I was depressed.

I was lost.

-

I don't need to live in this dream anymore.

Who he was.

Who he is.

Two different people.

I have to face that.

Alan is dead.

Simple as that.

I have to move on.

-

Just as I must face the facts.

Allie hates me.

She lies to me.

About everything.

Literally, everything.

I knew this.

But, I didn't want to.

-

My dad does not care.

Not as much as I think he does.

I've known this.

Even when I prayed for it to not be so.

My life is not perfect.

It never has been.

I have nobody.

-

I am standing in a grocery store.

In front of them.

Hair dripping wet.

I push past them.

I walk on.

And for some reason I feel as if I am turning away.

Turning away from my past.

For good.

-

I've finally given up.

I've finally been broken.

And only now do I realize.

It's okay to cry once in a while.

It's okay to feel sorry for yourself.

Just this once.

I will feel sorry for myself.

-

So I went.

To the only place to be alone.

In this city anyway.

I went to the bridge.

the wind was menacing.

Calling me names.

Kicking me when I was already down.

But I took it.

I've done it before.

-

I slapped at the rain.

Pointless.

But it was something to do.

The tears were flowing down my face.

I didn't notice.

My sobs were inaudible.

The winds moans drowned them out.

For once I thanked the wind.

-

My tattered heart, was simply shattered.

A thousand shards lay, God knows where.

I wondered if i'd ever find them again.

For a brief moment I also wondered.

Would I ever find him again.

Then I gave up.

Again.

-

I breathed in.

I breathed out.

And I prayed that tomarrow wouldn't come.

I had nothing to live for.

I am a nobody.

Meaningless.

In a world filled with so many.

I am nothing.

While they are something.

That's okay.

For every someone.

There is a no one.

That no one is me.

-

I just wish it weren't so.

I miss my old dad.

The one who truly cared.

If I lived or if I died.

I wish he did now, as he used to then.

Oh heaven help me.

How I do love him.

He must love me too, right?

Goodbyr father.

-

I miss my old Allie.

So honest.

So full of life.

So full of laughter.

Now there's only spite.

And jealousy.

She thinks she knows me.

But she doesn't.

She wants to be me.

But she doesn't.

She wants to be popular.

Something niether of us are.

I suppose that cuts me out of the picture.

Goodbye supposed Best friend.

-

I miss my old Alan.

So funny.

So real.

Painstakingly real.

The real that I needed.

The real to prove me wrong.

I was living a plastic life.

He made it real.

But he's been burned from me.

He shriveled slowly.

Distorting silently.

Becoming what in time we all do.

A hardened soul.

That no one can help.

Goodbye Squid.

-

Goodbye.

-

I sat in the rain.

The bench my only comfort.

Remembering it all.

Everything I could think of.

I remembered.

It hurt.

But, to heal.

You must tear open the wounds.

-

Tear I did.

At one point I swore.

Swore that I was bleeding in the grass.

Creating a pool of pain.

Pain that was flowing out of me.

For good.

Thank heaven.

For good.

-

They turned away from me.

So I will turn away from them.

I've given up on you Father.

Iv'e given up on you Allie.

I've given up on you Alan.

I've given up on you God.

I've given up on everything.

I turned away today.

From everyone that I once knew.

I gave up on my salvation.

I turned away.

-

I turned to the wind.

The rain.

And my pain.

Forever more.

-

I'm bleeding in the grass.

And to think I was only to be selfish for a day.

And to think I thought it was okay to cry sometimes.

Look what they've done.

Look at what these crimsontears have done to me.

-

I'm bleeding in the grass.

-

**The End**


	5. Alternate Reality

If Evie had lived she would have known more.

More about the lie she had been living.

Perhaps it was better this way.

Her killing herself.

For it may have been easier then knowing the truth.

I make her sound cowardly.

She wasn't.

She was the strongest person I have ever known.

It broke me to see her go.

I saw it coming.

I don't know why I didn't tell anyone.

She hid it so well.

Evie died weak.

The secrets broke her.

If Evie had lived she would have learned.

Her mother did not commit suicide.

Her father murdered her.

If Evie had lived she would have discovered.

That cold night Allie was home?

She was really with Evie's boyfriend.

If Evie had lived she would have been told.

That Alan loved her.

That moment in the grocers, he was going to tell her.

Yet he would have later anounced it had been a dare.

He'd admit he didn't love her.

If Evie had lived she would have been spiteful.

She'd have run away.

She'd have found a better life away from her past.

She'd have made herself a better future.

But Evie didn't live.

She died that night.

She died without friends or family.

Evie died alone.

She had swallowed some pills before her father came home.

She intended to die before he even hit her.

Before she saw Alan.

Before she went to Allie's house.

She wanted to die.

And she did.

She died that night.

She died without friends or family.

Evie died alone.


End file.
